a lot has happened since my last post. i mean A LOT. i was in a wreck (gasp!). a wreck which keeps haunting me. mainly because it keeps making me poor. and poorer.

14 de abril

ohwow. ohwow. ohwow. does anyone else ever feel like they've missed their big chance? i mean, i am 20 years old and i am not really good at anything. it is like i have zero motivation to really pursue anything with a passion.

like, i am a semi-good artist. but i don't do it like i should, i haven't painted in like 3 months. and i mean, i doodle constantly, but i don't see any of those doodles going in the history books. what the heck is my problem! i should be a child prodigy by now.

and i write pretty well. i mean, my poetry has won an award and i think it is pretty good. why have i not published a book or something? i guess because i'm not motivated. but WHY???? that is the million dollar question. i can't even do the things i am good at well.

i am jealous of these kids who know what they want, go after it, and are amazing at it. especially when they are humble about it. i think i am pretty humble about my talent, but it has also got me NOWHERE! i still do what i've always done. isn't that the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

maybe i'm half-way to insanity, or something.

13 de abril

so, i am pretty much a horrible blogger. i should probably do this every day, but i don't, so i am bad. anyways, augusta on this beautiful day in abril in awesome! i just wish augusta wasn't like the pollen capital of the world, that would really make my nose, brain, and throat very happy. i am so blessed to live here though, for reals. people who don't like augusta should seriously reconsider their lives, i mean, who cares if it isn't this HUGE city with a bajillion things to do. i mean, the simple things are really the best things in life, right? beauty is in everything. at least i think so for sure.

so i just watched funny people, and besides having bunches of funny people in it, it wasn't that funny. but you know what? i realized that cussing is kind of stupid, and fun.

see, i like never cuss. maybe like once every ten years. and little ones, too. never the bombs. but that movie had like a bajillion cuss words in it and it kind of scared me. but just because i don't cuss, i don't think cussing is altogether bad. i mean that movie would not have been as funny if every other word weren't an obscenity. and conor oberst really couldn't write such meaningful and depressing lyrics if he didn't have some kind of "anger." but i still think i like my cuss free life.

i can remember in high school when everyone thought it was funny or cute or weird or something that i didn't cuss. i mean, really. there has to be plenty of people who don't cuss. most people tend to attribute it to my christianity, but i know christians who cuss, and they're okay people. and plus, i didn't cuss before i was a christian, either. so strike one. maybe it was because of my parents, they say. HECK NO! i think, if anything, they would teach me to cuss. they love it.

so what then is it? i have no clue. for some reason i've always thought of cussing as someting to do when you're angry, and i am hardly ever angry. but now i know people cuss all the time. but that just doesn't feel right. cussing just doesn't feel right.

maybe i am just a freak.

31 ianuarie

i am basically a loser. okay, so maybe that is a bit harsh, BUT REALLY! i hardly ever go out. my idea of a good time is to stay at home reading a book or something. i really need to get out more. but i basically hate to be around more than like 5 people at a time. potentially problematic. oh well. i am not unhappy, but sometimes i wish i was a bit more adventurous.

http://www.interfaith-network.com/index.html
this is where i am tonight. at my church volunteering for interfaith hospitality network. please pray for these families as they seek sustainable work and housing.

2 de gener

so i haven't written a post in a while.


lots have gone on! i got all As. and fun stuff for christmas. including a MAC! i am excited. but in all seriousness i am excited by the prospect of a new year. but a fresh start? hardly, my life will most likely continue on like it always has. but i don't count that as such a bad thing. there are things that could change, and maybe they will. but all in all, i am content. and i am definitely excited about things going on this year. for one, i am hopefully going to be a world changers summer staffer! heck yes! that is basically what i am looking toward at the moment, and i won't even know for sure until like february. ahhhh!

well, i am going to confluence with bcm this weekend- that ought to be great fun.

here is the continuance of my poem things--

my name is not your name
but my heart is your heart
sounds and thumps
like angry wasps
cannot overtake
this sloppy love affair
with tomorrow’s
words from yesterday
pounding on the
steel drum of
time and capturing
us again for the first time
over and over